WHEN FRIENDSHIPS CHANGE
Everything changed that one day a few years ago. Was it meant to? I hadn't plan it or wanted it to, but it did and it was quite a strange experience; surreal in a way.
I want to say I "had" this friend, since we no longer see each other, but I still feel friendship towards her so I'll say, I "have" this friend. We'd been friends for many years, each year the relationship strengthening and deepening as we got to know each other better. This is a person I could be my absolute honest, crazy, sometimes irrational, psycho self with. We can all be chameleons with people can't we - behaving in the appropriate way, saying the right things, brushing your hair and wearing the right clothes. I could bring all my peculiarities to this friend and she would accept me one hundred percent. There were times we would have rip snorting laughs together and times we would share our struggles, dreams and hopes. I knew I could count on her for anything ... until that day it changed...
If you've read any of my posts or been to any of my workshops you'll know I am very aware of Divine guidance and this day was under their complete control. I had started a fairly new business and looking at running a workshop and I needed some help. Some years prior I had sold a successful business and with that I had given up a large network of potential clients to attend trainings and seminars I was planning to run. I was also working through some rather sticky personal stuff so I had bunkered down removing myself from the world. When I resurfaced, excited and ready to get back to what I love ... teaching ... I quickly figured out I had no contacts. That makes for a small (read empty) workshop!
The first step was to figure out Facebook advertising which was both painfully mind numbing and foreign to me. The second step was to ask for help. Like most of us, this is something I find challenging. Straight away I thought of my great friend who had her own business in the wellness industry. I thought perhaps she could help me out by working some sort of collaboration or promoting my workshops to her clients. I would have said yes to her before the door was half open if she'd asked me, so assuming I knew her well enough that that was a mutual feeling I had no hesitation to pay her a visit.
Off I went for a cuppa tea and a chat. Universal input lands like a sledgehammer. As we're walking from the front door to the kitchen she spoke to me about a lady who had contacted her wanting to share her database for meditation classes she was hoping to run locally. She was EXTREMELY unhappy about doing that and wondered my opinion. Since this was pretty much why I was there this opening conversation wasn't lost on me. We spoke about that for a while and I asked her if this person was in fact a competitor and who (what) she could perhaps bring to her business. My still current friend was very uncomfortable with this and was really just figuring out how to say no to her. Feeling threatened and fear of losing business I suspect.
I pushed on regardless thinking, this is one of my closest friends surely this doesn't apply to me. I spoke to her about my ideas and needing clients and to network, etc. Her response was evasive to say the least and not at all what I was expecting. Well, by then I was expecting it, but certainly not when I was driving there with my grand thoughts of collaborating somehow. The conversation quickly died a natural death and I left. As we were standing at the front door saying goodbye I said, "if you think of anything, let me know". I had this overwhelming sense that this was the end of our friendship. She replied with absolute non-committal, "I'll let you know", knowing full well she would never contact me again. The door was closed physically, emotionally and spiritually that day.
Aside from being extremely disappointed in her reaction, which sat with me for at least a year, I left there with this heavy feeling of loss.The loss of a friendship, the loss of what once was, the changing of our friendship. I have no doubt this was meant to be this way; there was such a strong sense of knowing I had throughout the whole "friends catch up". At the time I felt disappointed, hurt and let down because I know if the roles had been reversed I would have jumped at the chance to help her. I was also surprised about the response, but looking back on this some years later I know this shift was meant to be for one or both of us. It was like the Universe was yelling, "you've done your time here, your work is done, it's time to move on".
I will always look back at our years together with happiness because we always had such fun times and who knows, someday I hope we meet again. Some friendships change, some friendships dissolve and some go right to the end. Take the lessons, the messages, the sometimes hidden meaning with love and not resentment or self pity because whatever they are, however they morph, they are all as they are meant to be!